My husband left me for another woman…sort of. In my first marriage, at the ripe young age of 18, my husband entered into multiple extramarital affairs. Though he never left me in the sense of “I want a divorce to be with another woman,” I certainly FELT left for another woman. There’s no question he did actually leave me, for whatever length of time, to spend time with other women in intimate ways. He just returned after hours away rather than leaving for good. [Eventually he did leave for good, but that was in a divorce I initiated.] The point is, he abandoned his wife for whatever duration for another woman.
Two decades later, I find myself authoring this blog. And I learn that my analytics report for this blog reveals words and phrases that users enter in a Google search that lead them to my blog. Someone entered the phrase: “ex husband is moving in with woman he had the affair with.” Ever since I read this in a report, it’s been heavy on my mind. I wished I could find the woman who typed those words. Since I can’t, I’m writing this post.
A few years back, when I was involved in a tight-knit Christian homeschooling group, a friend of mine in this group was having marital problems. She and her husband were separated, and he was seeking a divorce. She was confident he was having an affair, and she sought my advice. Though I was committed to Christian doctrine and Biblical living at that time (my position has since shifted to a more complicated one – future blog material), my advice to her was different from all of the other Christian women in her life. I told her:
Not too long after that conversation, my friend told me that other women in our group had counseled her to NOT take my advice because I had been divorced. That hurt. It hurt me personally for being judged and marginalized like that, but it also hurt me to my heart that this woman would remain in a victimized mindset focused on rejection and betrayal. Four years later, her ex-husband is remarried, and she remains stagnant and bitter instead of empowered and taking charge of her life.
When this anonymous woman found my blog with those keywords, I wanted to tell her the same things I had told my friend. It’s a heartbreaking tragedy, especially when children are involved. And I know the Bible says that God hates divorce. But you know what? I also believe God hates for us to be weighed down with emotional baggage that handicaps us the rest of our lives. To the woman who found my blog, I say this:
It is your husband’s loss. Your worth is not based on him. His choices don’t dictate your value. You have all you need within you to be who you want to be. Take charge of your life and let go of the past. Don’t let that heartbreak destroy who you are and who you are becoming. Learn from this pain. Grow from it. Be stronger because of it. And you just keep moving forward on your journey of becoming all you ever hope to be. You are beautiful. You are strong. And you are a treasure worth more than most men deserve. You love yourself with all of your heart, and you’ll find that the men in your future will love you more as a result!
Photo credits: ichabodcrane chrisinhaiti
