First off, thanks for being curious about my thoughts. I admire the way you candidly speak of your faith and your honesty, something that was not easy as you said. It is very much lacking in our day and something we need more of. A lot of believers simply accept what they are told without examining the claims.

Your unwillingness to accept church tradition *just* because it was the way you were brought up is actually what the Bible shows us to do. It is not sin to doubt nor should you feel like a "heretic".

"The Bereans… received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true." ~Acts 17:11

Only by doubting what we believe can we become convinced of truth. You and I know there are vast differences in denominational beliefs, unfortunately. But without getting into all of that, I think you identify with a growing number of believers who have turned away from religiosity and the stigma that comes with “churchy” people.

Christianity is not intellectual suicide; it must make sense first in our mind before it can sink in the heart.

Staying curious and being a skeptic will lead you to seek certainty for something that could serve as a foundation for more. That certainty is the existence of God. Once we’ve understood that, we have believed. And what does the word say to those who have believed? “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son so that those who believe in him, shall not perish but have eternal life.” Oh gosh, yeah, I can’t believe I just quoted John 3:16 to you. A verse so overused it has become trite, but it’s true regardless of what we’ve made of it.

It is only after we’ve believed and repented that we began to understand what God requires of us.

So let’s talk about sin, fun stuff I know. It doesn’t mean to do something “bad” in the sense that there is a list of things we should not do and God is a kill-joy waiting for us to do one of those things on the list so he can beat us with a stick. Sin, in the Biblical sense, means to “miss the mark”. And we’ve all missed it. There is not one righteous, not even one (Romans 3:9). If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us (1 John 1:8).

The cliché a lot of Christians use, “Hate the sin, love the sinner”, has nothing to do with Christianity or church doctrine. It was something Ghandi must have said while having a bad day. Ha. We tend to make our hate convenient to our personal likings, and our love doesn’t even come close to the love of God.

So you can’t separate the two. God desires to save the sinner from his sin through forgiveness manifested by the sacrifice of his son Jesus Christ. That is love. And even then, the Christian is still flawed, faultless because of forgiveness, but still flawed. But at that point, our desire is to please him so we began to turn away from those things that once seemed impossible.

When overcome by doubt, search diligently for principles that are certain. Build upon the foundation of what is sure. Ultimately, we must realize that faith is a gift, not something we muster up within ourselves. Faith comes by hearing the word of God. And there is no better place to hear than the local church, inperfect as it may be. On that note, I pray that you find a place that preaches the glorious gospel and leans heavily on discipleship and not tradition. A place where you fit in.

Here’s a good video and site that may help you find that place, http://media.9marks.org/video/9Mvideo.php

I realize I may have totally missed your point, but thank you nonetheless. Praying for you, as I am sure your family and loved ones are as well.

Alex

I will be digesting these comments and following up to them, probably in another post. For now, I just want to thank you both and tell you that it means a lot that you would share your thoughts. I pour myself out in often open and raw ways (as I felt I did in this post – fighting fear of rejection from close family members and friends – in pursuit of dialogue and collaborative efforts to learn from each other and grow in our journeys. There's only one thing I can say for sure: I don't have the answers. The rest is curiosity.

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts!
Allison

1. Many Christians find themselves in a similar position of not agreeing with all of the doctrines of their church. If we are to be completely honest with this definition of "heretic" the mass majority of Christians have fallen under this category ever since literacy became prevalent.

2. This leads to the second thought that because many people find themselves in the same position I believe much of your "exclusion" is a perceived exclusion. While few Christians are capable of the "hate sin/love sinner" paradigm that is often because they don't understand the true nature of love. But that isn't a Christian problem, that is a people problem known as "human nature". The only person to understand the true nature of love was Christ himself and in his day he was considered a heretic himself accused multiple times of blasphemy.

The insinuation is that the "believer" or "christian" if you prefer, seperates those who appear to choose sin over salvation. I agree that there are some (many would categorize as fundamentalist, which I personally think is labeling & don't agree w/) that may choose to isolate those who don't believe what they believe, however there is a large part of the "Christian Body" that accepts & lives through a desire to love all, recognizing many are @ different places in their walk & that many are confused, perhaps lost @ this particular time in their life, this includes professed believers.

This understanding or even belief if you will, is very relevant in the discussion between Jesus, the pharisee, Simon & the prostitute when he tells her "Your sins are forgiven, Go in peace" (Luke 7:36-50). Jesus was being criticized for his interaction w/ someone perceived as a "sinner" who was also perceived as an underling @ a certain socioeconomic level. He could have just as easily, condemned her & struck her dead there as she stood, but he chose not to, he chose to love her.

As far as the above comments regarding conforming; I will leave this passage to ponder "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test & approve what God's will is – his good, pleasing & perfect will (Romans 12:2).

I would argue that the perception
that "Christians desire for "sinners" to conform to their "Theology" or "Worldview" as stated above is as relevant as "This Chaotic World" influences us all to conform to it's chaos.